


Three Parts Dead

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance, Series: Nothing Lasts Forever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-08-06
Updated: 1999-08-06
Packaged: 2018-11-10 15:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11129307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Plagued by dreams and memories, Ben and Phil strive to get on with their lives. This story is a sequel toA Summoning of Things Past.





	Three Parts Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Disclaimer: This story is written for the private

A reminder, I am now writing under my penname of Cassandra Hope.

 

Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story. Fraser, Vecchio, et.al. belong to Alliance; the McKenzies and friends belong to me. Cat Madden belongs to Carol Trendall and is used with permission. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.

Three Parts Dead

By Cassandra Hope

(Copyright June 1998)

 

B

en  
Fraser sat on the fire escape outside the window of his small apartment  
enjoying what little breeze found its way down the alley to his perch.  
The night sky was clearer than he'd seen in ages. Unbidden, his eyes  
sought out the constellation of Gemini. Closing his eyes, he recalled  
a night long ago. The years separating him from his current perch and  
that night faded away. He could still see his arm pointing to the night  
sky as he said, "That bright white star is Castor and..." his finger  
shifted slightly, "that bright yellow star next to it is Pollux..."

"In the constellation of Gemini, the Twins?"

Ben nodded his head. Phil could probably give him lessons in astronomy. "Do you know the legend behind the twins?"

"I know a little bit about it. Wasn't one of the twins immortal and the other one wasn't?" She snuggled closer, tucking her head into the crook of his arm.

Breathing in the scent of her hair, Ben smiled to himself; he would always associate the scent of lavender with this woman. Whispering into her baby-fine hair, he answered her question, "Yes, and when the mortal one died, the immortal one was so stricken with grief that he made a pact with the gods. For half the year the twins would live again in the outer world and the other half of the year they would exist in Hades, the world of the dead. They would always be together."

"A real love story?" Phil turned her face to the night sky and stared at the two stars.

"I guess you could say that." He could easily understand the romance of the Greek myths and, in some respects, he enjoyed them more than the scientific facts. Although Castor was a triple star and each component star in the system was also a double (six stars in all), tonight was not the night to discuss that interesting fact. Tonight was a night made for romance. 

Phil rose up on one elbow and, leaning over Ben's prostrate form, ran a finger down the bridge of his nose to his lips. "What is it, T?"

Ben smiled; he loved Phil's nickname for him. "I was just thinking about our future together."

"Me, too. Do you have any idea when we can marry?"

Ben sadly shook his head. "No, my love. I'm hoping my next posting will be longer. I'll send for you as soon as I can."

"T..." her voice was husky with desire, "we don't have to wait."

"Phil, I won't ask you to leave your position at the university until I can provide for you."

"I don't care about that."

"I know you don't...but I do. I won't be a husband like my father was."

Phil nodded slowly in understanding. Ben had told her about his upbringing. "I understand, T, it just doesn't make it any easier to stand. It hurts to be apart from you."

"I know the feeling, Phil. I feel it, too, but until I can send for you, I wanted to show you something." He pointed at the night sky once more. "Every time I gaze into the night sky and see those two stars, I'll think of you, Phil."

"Me?"

Drawing her closer into his embrace, he tilted her face until the moonlight banished the shadows from her face. He watched her mouth curve into its lopsided grin and gave into the impulse to kiss those inviting lips. Long and infinitely satisfying, Ben drowned in the sensations that consumed him. The depth of his love for this woman shook him. How could he possibly let her return to Colorado? Burying his face in her hair, he whispered into that silken mass, "I'm Castor and you're Pollux and every time I see them I'll remember you and how much I love you and, someday, we will never be parted just as those two stars are never parted."

Ben's thoughts snapped back to the present. Reminding him of his lost love, Castor and Pollux burned with their eternal fires. Sighing, he rose from the fire escape, gathered his cup from the platform at his feet, and climbed through the window back into his apartment. He crossed the tiny room to the sink and rinsed the cup. After rinsing it, he filled it with water and carried it to the bricked-in fireplace to water his lavender plant. As his hand brushed its leaves the gentle scent strengthened. Bowing his head slightly, his eyes caught sight of the damaged photo Ray had looked at earlier that evening.

Ben sat the cup on the small mantel and gathered the pieces of the photo into his hand. His finger traced what remained of Phil's smile. "I'm sorry, Phil. Truly I am." Sighing, he placed the photo back on the mantel and carried the cup back to the sink.

From his place on the bed, Dief watched his packmate tend the fragrant plant. It still amazed him how clueless Alpha Male could be. Why didn't he hunt down the Lavender Woman and claim her before some other male did? Not for the first time, Dief wondered if he should hunt the female down and bring her back to his packmate. He watched Ben place the cup into the sink then stand, shoulders slumped, as he stared at his hands. Snuffling in disgust, Dief left the bed and padded across the floor to the kitchen area.

The sounds of a metal dish dropping onto the floor reminded Ben that he wasn't alone. "I'm sorry, Dief. Here, let me get you some fresh water."

Dief watched with a critical eye as his packmate filled his dish with cool water and set it on the floor.

*Woof*

"I wasn't ignoring you, Diefenbaker. I was lost in thought."

*Woof*

"No, I'm just tired." Ben stretched and yawned to emphasize his point. "I think I'll go to bed now."

Dief watched Alpha Male shed his layers of plant fiber and animal hair then step into the small bathroom. Settling down beside the open window, he watched with one eye, finally closing both as he waited for Alpha Male to return.

Ben washed his face and brushed his teeth all the while staring at his reflection in the mirror. The shadows under his eyes were a silent testimony to the sleepless nights that he'd spent tossing on his bed. He fumbled in the tiny medicine cabinet for the bottle of Excedrin PM. Swallowing a couple of tablets, he chided himself for resorting to artificial methods of inducing sleep, but the nights of sleeplessness that preceded this one demanded something stronger than meditation and chamomile tea. Satisfied that he'd done all that could be done for this evening, he crossed the room, stepped over the somnambulant wolf, and opened an additional window. Turning, he drew back the single sheet on his bed and lay down. As he lay on his back staring at the ceiling, his eyes strayed to the dreamcatcher over his head. Reaching up a hand, he stroked the wishing stone not quite making a wish just a silent plea. Maybe the dreams that plagued him would be gentle tonight. 

Why was he so pensive? Why did thoughts of Phil intrude? He knew the answers even as he formulated the questions. His thoughts wandered back to earlier in the day.

He had gone to a large mall on an errand for Inspector Thatcher. As he hurried away from the smartly apportioned office store, he had scanned the nearby stores seeking the combination coffee and tobacco shop that the Inspector favored. A movement in the corner of his eye drew his attention and he caught his breath. Could it possibly be? Was that Phil he had seen enter the small shop? Thatcher's coffee forgotten, Ben executed a sharp right turn and hurried across the garden area and around the fountain in the middle of the concourse. Before reaching his goal, however, he was stopped by a small hand on his arm.

"Are you a Mountie?" the small child asked.

Ben knelt beside the boy and smiled. "Yes, I am."

"Cool!" the boy exclaimed through a toothy grin then raced off to join his parents.

Ben rose to his feet and continued his journey around the fountain. When he reached the small shop, he hesitated. What if it wasn't her? What if it was? Steeling himself, he passed through the stained-glass doors.

"May I help you?"

Ben focused on the curious face of the young woman approaching him. "No, I...I..." He cast several feverish glances about the store but the woman he had seen was gone.

"Are you sure there isn't something I can interest you in?" the young woman asked again. "Something for your girl friend or wife?"

Ben looked around the store, his face taking on its telltale rosy hue as he recognized the intimate nature of the apparel offered for sale in the tiny boutique. "No, I..." Ben stammered to a halt, his eyes darting back and forth, then spun on his heels and left the small lingerie store.

His face burned with the remembered embarrassment. What had come over him? Why did he think he saw Phil in places she couldn't possibly be? Was he losing his mind? No, he'd worked through that over the months since New Years and Cat's refusal of his proposal of marriage. He didn't need a woman in his life. Women only caused him trouble. Sighing, he rolled onto his side and punched his pillow. Hours passed before he finally slipped into sleep.

* * *

Casey Sinclair stopped as she crested the pass and stared in wonder at the panorama spread before her. Speechless, she stumbled down the trail to a large boulder train. Dropping her pack on the ground, she clambered atop the largest boulder and stared at the alpine scenery. Tags, little descriptive phrases, flooded her thoughts as her subconscious began reconstructing the scenery in her memory. Movement beside her brought her thoughts back to the present. She glanced at her friend then back at the mountain basin. "Phil McKenzie, you lied to me!"

Phil straightened and drew in a lung full of crisp air then grinned as she slowly exhaled. "How so?"

"You told me this place was beautiful, but that doesn't even begin to describe it."

Phil nodded then shrugged. "I believe I told you that, too. It's up to you to come up with the words to describe Thunder Basin. That is...if you intend to use it in one of your stories."

"Honestly, Phil, how could I not? I don't believe I've ever seen such a beautiful sight." She chuckled and after some thought said, "Beautiful...I can't seem think of any other word to describe this place."

"You will." Phil stood on the boulder and let her eyes roam over the mountain basin, momentarily lost in her own reveries. Unbidden memories recalled events that had transpired here. Shaking loose from the bittersweet threads, Phil smiled at the blonde woman beside her. "You have a gift, Casey, you paint pictures with words and I know that you will capture my little corner of paradise just like I tried with my cross-stitch."

Casey recalled the large cross-stitched tapestry that graced the wall of Phil's apartment back in Chicago. "Tell me about that," she invited.

"Better still...I'll show you where I took the photo from." Phil leapt from the boulder and gathered her pack and waited while Casey did the same. Leading the way through the boulders, she stopped at rocky slope that led up to a rock ledge. Pointing along its length, she said, "I crawled out there and sat for four hours until the light was just right."

"You crawled out there?" Casey stared at the sheer drop-off and the narrowness of the ledge.

"I didn't really think about it," Phil's voice said matter-of-factly, "I was a little crazy then and I did some things that were pretty foolish."

"This was...when?"

Phil sighed heavily, her voice filled with a familiar sorrow, "About six, seven months after Lindy died." Casey rested a hand on Phil's shoulder. Phil turned pain filled eyes to regard her friend then shifted her face back to stare across the basin at the slopes on the far side. In a voice barely above a whisper, she confided, "I wanted to die, Casey. Ben was gone and Lindy was..." Swallowing hard, Phil fought the tears that even now threatened to fall.

Casey squeezed Phil's shoulder. "I know the feeling, Phil. I felt the same way after Jim died. I guess, I'm lucky, though." Phil eyes once more focused on her friend, the question evident within them. Casey smiled, "I had Trevor. He kept me sane."

"Yes, you are fortunate, Casey. Trevor's a wonderful young man."

"As he's so fond of reminding me," Casey added. Phil chuckled and the moment of shared sadness passed.

* * *

Becka Fraser stared across at her friend, Cathy Madden, then down at the photo in her hands.

Cat nodded her head. "That's Phil McKenzie, Ben's soul mate."

"But that was over more than twelve years ago. How did...I mean..." Becka stammered to a halt.

"How did I meet Phil?" Cat asked. Becka nodded. "Will Marchand and I rescued her last summer. She'd been taken hostage by an escaped convict and, after getting away from him, she fell into a mineshaft. As we waited for the rescue chopper we discovered we both knew Ben so I invited her to spend some time with me after she was released from the hospital. I met her brothers, TJ and Rob, when they flew up to be with her. TJ stayed on and, well, you know the rest of that story."

"Yeah, I think I can figure that one out."

"What can I say?" Cat grinned unrepentantly at Becka. "Seriously, though..." She paused as she searched for the right words to describe her relationship with TJ. "We were both attracted to each other but there was a fragility to TJ that touched me. I didn't know how to proceed or what to expect so I asked Phil. She told me his fiancée died years ago and he never got over it. He'd given up on love. She also told me that I'd be good for him. That struck me as unusual."

"In what way?"

"Well, it's not everyday that you meet someone who encourages you to have an affair with their brother."

Becka grinned, thinking of her own brother. "I guess I can see your point. So...what happened?"

"I invited TJ to a home cooked meal and one thing led to another..." Lost in her memories, Cat didn't see Becka glance down at the photo in her hand. "I don't know, Becka, I just couldn't stand to see him in that kind of pain."

"You always did have a soft spot for injured animals. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you'd react the same with a man. And...it certainly doesn't hurt that he's as handsome as sin."

"Not at all, Becka, but he wears it so well--kind of reminds me of Ben in more ways than one."

"Really? How so?"

Suddenly remembering Ben's request not to involve Becka in his problems, Cat began to hedge. "Oh, different things...good looking, outlook on life...nothing of importance." As much as she wanted to share her burden with someone, Becka didn't need to have that additional knowledge added to what she already carried. But, just once, she wanted to discuss Ben's situation with someone other than Ben or Phil. Just once she wanted tell someone about Lindy. Just once she wanted to share her own pain as she watched her two friends deny this chance for love. Just once...

Becka recognized the vague answer as an attempt to deflect her interest away from her brother. It wasn't the first time she'd posed a question and have it half-answered or not answered at all and she was tired of the treatment. True, she'd been through more than a person should, but she was a Fraser and hardship was second nature to them. She was tired of the kid-glove treatment. "Cat, you're closer to me than a sister. You've been here for me when I needed someone to talk to. Now, I can tell you need to talk to someone about Benny." She watched the guilty start and the evasive look in Cat's eyes. "What's going on? And don't even try to tell me there isn't."

"What makes you think something is going on?" Cat carefully avoided looking at Becka as she sipped from her milk.

"Cat, I've talked with Benny. I can tell something is bothering him. But you know how he is--stiff upper lip and all that. He won't tell me anything when I ask. He's too afraid of upsetting me in my 'delicate' condition. Cat, I'm tired of being treated like an invalid or worse." All the whispered innuendoes, the covert glances, the shuffling of assignments paraded across her mind. Even the RCMP didn't trust her. "Please, Cat, be honest with me. If there's something wrong with Benny, tell me."

Cat heard the plea in Becka's voice. There was more going on in Becka's life than she let on. She'd known that three days ago when Becka had appeared in her office. She vividly recalled that event.

THREE DAYS EARLIER

Cat leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms behind her. It was good to get back to her post. She was tired, but it was a satisfying tired. A case she'd worked on for over seven months had finally been resolved. She'd spent the last week in Saskatoon testifying at the trial of Richard LaGrow, a man accused of kidnapping the wife of an oil magnate and demanding a two million-dollar ransom. Captured in Saskatoon during the ransom drop, clues in his car led the RCMP to Douglas Provincial Park on the banks of Cat's own beloved Lake Diefenbaker where Cat rescued the woman from an abandoned shack.

Thinking of returning to her house on the shore of Lake Diefenbaker brought to mind Lloyd's call of last evening. She dearly missed him. His call had only intensified her longing for him. Her phone rang and she lifted the receiver half hoping that Lloyd was on the other end. Yes?"

"Sergeant? There's a Constable Fraser here to see you."

Ben? Ben was here to see her? After the way things had gone on his last visit, Cat was surprised that Ben was here to see her once more. And if that wasn't bad enough, her sixth sense hadn't alerted her to his presence. It always had before. Was she somehow losing contact with her nearest and dearest friend? Shaking her head, she replied to Marchand, "Please send him in." She replaced the receiver and stood to welcome Ben.

"The sergeant will see you now," Will Marchand smiled at the striking Mountie waiting patiently by the window.

The young woman smiled graciously and said, "Thank you kindly, Constable Marchand." Hefting her pack in her arm, Becka strode across the room and opened the door to Cat's office. Stepping inside, she smiled at the look of surprise on Cat's face. "Hi, Cat. Thought I was Ben, didn't you?"

Cat grinned. "You know damn well I did. I had no idea it was you. Aren't you here a bit early for your visit? I wasn't expecting you for another couple of weeks." She watched as Becka dropped her pack on the floor then drop into a chair. "You look tired. What have you been up to?" 

Becka chuckled. "Always the mother hen. I'm fine, Cat, just a little tired. Thunderstorms caused all kinds of delays to my flight and it took longer to get here than I planned."

Cat came around her desk and, hiking a leg up, settled onto the edge of it. "Why didn't you give me a call and let me know you were coming early?"

"I didn't know I was coming here until I stood in front of the ticket counter and found myself purchasing a ticket to Moose Jaw. I thought I was on my way to Chicago." She shook her head. "So...here I am!"

Cat grinned. "It's good to see you, Becka. I've missed you."

Becka smiled back. "I've missed you as well." Stretching, she stifled a yawn before adding, "When do you get off duty? I could sure use some Madden hospitality." 

Cat glanced at the clock on the wall. "Give me a moment to straighten my desk and we can leave."

"Take all the time you need, Cat. I can..." Becka was interrupted by the shrilling of the phone.

"Excuse me a minute, Becka." Picking up the receiver, Cat spoke into it, "What is it, Marchand?" After listening for a moment she replaced the receiver and sighed. "I'll be right back." She strode to the door and exited the office.

Becka leaned back and rested her head on the back of the chair. Damn, but she was tired. It would be heaven to fall asleep in Cat's guest bed right now. Stretching her leg out she rested her heel on the edge of Cat's desk. Seemingly of its own volition her other leg joined it. Crossing her hands in her lap, Becka closed her eyes and her head slowly bobbed forward as she drifted into a light nap.

Cat finished signing the report forms and handed them to Marchand. "I'm heading home, 

Marchand."

"Have a good evening, Sir."

Cat smiled at her subordinate then hurried to her office. Opening the door she saw the uncomfortable slump that Becka had fallen into. She must really be tired to be able to sleep like that. Casting a critical eye over her friend, Cat could tell that something was not quite right. Kneeling in front of her friend, she lightly touched Becka's shoulder. "Becka?"

"Hmmm?" Becka groggily opened her eyes.

"Are you ready to go?" Cat rose to her feet.

Dropping her feet to the floor, Becka stood and stretched. "Point me in the right direction, Cat."

"There's no need for that, Becka. You know your way home." Laying a hand on her shoulder, Cat said, "I have a feeling you have something you need to talk about." When Becka raised startled eyes to her, she continued, "Don't worry, Becka, I'm here when you're ready to talk."

Tears glistened in Becka's eyes as she hugged Cat. "I know that, Cat."

Cat hugged back. "You and Ben are my family, Becka. You can always come home."

"Thanks, Cat."

* * *

Shaking loose from those thoughts, Cat gazed at Becka from beneath hooded eyes. The nightmare Becka had just experienced only reinforced Cat's instincts. Something was amiss. So far, Becka had not revealed what was troubling her and Cat had not pressed. She knew that when the time was right, Becka would tell her. She was so much like her brother. Beautiful by any standard, there was a haunted look in her eyes that had not been there years ago. It gave her features an ethereal delicacy that brought out Cat's protective nature.

"Dammit, Cat, don't look at me like that! I'm not made of porcelain and I'm tired of being treated like I am! I'm worried about my brother and I thought you might be able to tell me what's going on. If you care about him..."

"Care about him? Becka, you have no idea what I've been through with Ben. If I didn't care about him I wouldn't have tried to help him, I wouldn't have tried to get him and Phil back together, I wouldn't still see his daughter in my dreams, I wouldn't..."

Stunned, Becka breathlessly interrupted Cat, "His daughter? Benny has a daughter? Cat?"

Dismay blanketed Cat's actions and words. "I'm sorry, Becka. I never meant to tell you that. I promised...I made a promise not to tell anyone about her." 

"It's true? Benny has a daughter? Why didn't he tell me?" That thought cut Becka to the core. Even her own brother didn't trust her enough to tell her about his daughter.

"He doesn't know." Cat stated the plain and simple truth. "How could he tell you about Lindy when he didn't even know she existed."

Puzzled, Becka asked, "He doesn't know?" Cat shook her head. Becka stared wide-eyed at Cat, the knot in her stomach spreading. She felt as if an icy hand was squeezing her heart. Ben didn't know he had a child and whoever the mother was hadn't seen fit to tell him? Who was the bitch? Who could be so callous as to deprive Ben of the knowledge of his child? To her knowledge, the only woman in Ben's past heartless enough to do that was Victoria. Becka was suddenly sickened with the thought that that woman still held some kind of hold on him. When would she play **this** trump card? "Who's the mother?" she asked dreading the answer.

Cat's hand crept out to tap the frame of the picture of TJ and Phil.

Faint with relief, Becka's eyes dropped to stare at the images in the photo. "Phil's the mother? They had a child?"

"Lindy was born shortly after Ben broke off their engagement. He never knew he was a father."

"Why didn't she tell him? Didn't he have a right to know that he was going to be a father?" Becka's voice shook with anger. 

"Phil tried to tell him, but he sent her letters back unopened and refused her calls."

"If it was me I would've hunted him down and told him face to face."

"Funny you should say that because that's what Phil told me she wished she'd done. But, she was too unsure of herself. She couldn't face his rejection--so she never did." Sighing, Cat continued, "She named her Melinda Caroline..."

"After Mom?" Cat nodded. Becka stared at the photo of Phil and TJ. So Benny had a child by this woman. "How old is Melinda?"

Cat looked away before answering, "She would've been eleven on her last birthday."

Becka noticed the catch in Cat's voice. "Would've been?"

Cat nodded then turned her eyes back to Becka seeing the resemblance between Becka and Lindy, only Lindy would never grow to become a beautiful young woman. The lump in her throat made talking difficult. She swallowed trying to rid herself of it but it refused to go. Looking away again, she finally answered Becka's question. "Lindy died when she was about six months old."

"Oh, my god, no." Horrified at the news, Becka could only imagine what Phil must have gone through...what her brother had yet to experience. "Benny's daughter is dead?" She felt the words catch in her throat and the tears burn at the back of her eyes. Her niece was dead.

Cat nodded, a tear streaking her cheek. She swiped at it half-heartedly. "Phil didn't mean to tell me about Lindy. She was in shock and it just slipped out. She made me promise not to tell Ben."

"And you've kept this secret from him?"

Cat nodded. "I promised Phil and that's the hardest promise I've ever had to keep."

Becka shifted Bella from her lap, slid to the floor in front of Cat, and then gently wrapped her arms around Cat. "How long have you know about Ben's daughter?" The tears that had threatened slowly tracked down her cheeks.

"Over a year."

"Don't you think it's about time you shared this with someone? Maybe I can help."

Cat nodded and, after Becka returned to her chair, quietly began telling Becka the whole story beginning with the circumstances surrounding the incident with Victoria where Ray had shot Ben. She told Becka of Ben's regret for the ending of his relationship with Phil. She related the many instances where Ben had come to her for solace focusing on the time shortly after Phil had visited her.

"Ben was shocked, to say the least. I thought sure he'd want to see her--try to patch things up--but he said he needed to get used to the idea. You know, he even planted a bed of columbines while he was here." Her hand motioned in a vague direction toward the garden.

"Columbines?"

"Yeah, I didn't realize the importance of that until I visited Phil. Columbines are her favorite flowers."

"You visited Phil?"

Cat smiled wryly, "Phil lives in Chicago."

"What? Chicago?" Wheels turning in her mind, Becka asked, "So, when you went to Chicago to visit Benny, you also visited Phil? Is that what you meant when you said you tried to fix his problems? Did you try to get them together?"

Nodding her head once more, Cat replied, "I tried to set up a meeting between them, but they both refused to have anything to do with the other. I was worn to a frazzle trying to keep them from accidentally meeting and having to deal with them claiming to be over each other when I could tell they were lying to themselves. Honestly, Becka, that was one of the few times when I could have gladly strangled your brother...and Phil. They are both too stubborn for their own good. I should have known that my efforts would be futile. Funny...the only bright note to my visit was Ray."

"If you knew that your efforts would be useless, then why did you go?"

"Because your father told me to. He said I'd find what I was searching for if I went to Chicago."

"Cat, Dad's been gone for two years now. How could he tell you to go to Chicago?" Cat's admission surprised Becka. She must really be under a lot of stress if she thought Bob Fraser talked to her.

"He may be dead, Becka, but he still visits Ben and me."

"Visits you? I don't understand, what do you mean _'he visits you'_?" Remembering that last conversation with Ray, Becka raked a thumb across an eyebrow. "Ray said that Benny talked to Dad. I thought he was just joking. Dad visits you?" Why would her father's spirit visit other people and not his own daughter? The thought that other people rated higher than her angered her. "If he's so damn busy visiting everybody, why hasn't he visited me? Damn him! I miss him, Cat. Do you have any idea how I felt when Benny told me Dad was dead? I didn't even get to say good-bye. I didn't get to tell him how much I loved him. I..."

Cat placed a hand on Becka's arm. "I'm sure he'll visit you when you need him. He said as much about me."

"Maybe you're right, Cat. But it still hurts to know that my own father visits others." She settled back in the chair and stared across Cat's yard to the hint of trees visible in the moonlight. Maybe her dad's spirit would visit her someday. But when? She longed to hear him call her _'his little poppet'_. Maybe she should talk to Benny about him.

Cat watched her, vowing to give Bob Fraser a piece of her mind if her ever had the temerity to visit her again. Maybe she should talk to Ben about Becka. The breeze soughed through the pines that lay between the house and the lake whispering of loves past, present, and future. Both women were immersed in thoughts that centered on a lonely man in Chicago.

Gathering her glass and plate, Becka stood and stretched. "I think I'll go back to bed now. You've given me a lot to think about, Cat."

"I know, Becka. But...we didn't talk about what's bothering you."

"I know. I just don't know yet what it is. When I figure that out, I'll tell you."

"I'll be here."

"I know, Cat, and thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you...for caring about others the way you do. I wish...I wish you'd married Benny."

"I know, Becka. But, as much as we love each other, we weren't meant for each other. Someday you'll meet your soul mate and you'll know what I mean." 

"I doubt that, Cat. Who'd want to marry someone who could turn into a programmed assassin at any moment?"

"Becka, you don't believe that any more than I do."

Becka nodded and opened the screen door. Stopping in the doorway, she turned back to Cat. "I'm afraid we're in the minority, though."

Cat watched Becka disappear into the darkness of the house. It was so good to have Becka back in her life. Cat had other female friends, of course, but no one came close to filling the void Becka had left when she disappeared and was presumed dead. Cat had felt Becka's loss keenly.

Pondering Becka's last statement, Cat began to understand what had brought Becka to her. She picked up the photo of TJ and Phil. A smile played across her lips as she planned her next venture into the realm of matchmaking. With any luck, TJ would benefit, as would Becka.

Cat stood and gathered her dishes. Taking them into the house, she washed them and set them on a drainboard to dry. Returning to the veranda, she settled into her chair and stared in the direction of the bed of columbines. Watching the trees swaying in the moonlight, Cat worried about Ben and Becka. Would they find the happiness they both needed? How could she help them?

A shiver of apprehension raced up and down her spine. How could she help Ben? He'd acted so strangely when she told him of Lloyd. Why did he have to ask her to marry him again? If the problems between Ben and Phil weren't resolved soon, Cat was afraid that something might happen to Ben. He seemed to be on the edge. The edge of what she didn't know, but it worried her.

And Becka, even here in this backwater of Moose Jaw, she'd heard about the raid on the Soldier organization. They'd lost two good officers in that raid. Some blamed Becka, some lauded her, some didn't know. Cat felt the distrust directed at her friend. How could Becka not feel it? Was that what was driving her? How could she help Becka with that situation?

Cat shook free of those thoughts and watched the movement of the trees increase as the wind picked up. She watched as clouds scudded across the sky and the moonlit night slowly darkened as the moon was hidden behind a blanket of clouds. The very air seemed weighted down. A distant flash of light followed by a dull rumble added to the oppressive feel of the night air. A freshening breeze brought the scent of moisture and Cat found herself filled with a sense of expectancy. It looked like they were in for a storm before morning arrived. Cat rose and stretched before entering the house, the cats racing around her legs. She checked the doors and windows making sure they were secured. Only then did she seek the comfort of her bed, her questions unanswered.

* * *

"I don't know if the rings are still in place. If they are, do you want to slide down the slope to that grove of trees?" Phil pointed to a stand of pines and aspens that clung to the edge of the cliff.

"Is that the spot you told me about?" Phil nodded her head. Casey grinned and motioned with her hands, "Lead on, McDuff. I don't think we carried these ropes just for the hell of it. I wouldn't miss this for the world."

Phil cut across the wide expanse of the alpine bench, angling toward a rock covered slope that stretched from the tall ramparts of the palisades that rimmed a portion of the basin to an abrupt cliff that cut the basin like a knife. The rings, planted so many years ago by a frightened young woman, still held strongly.

"Do you want to go first?" Phil asked as she attached the first rope to the bolted ring.

Casey shook her head. "No, you go ahead, Phil. I know all about your many trips up here to face this slope. You go ahead and I'll follow."

Phil smiled a thank you and, after fastening the rope to the harness she wore, launched herself onto the slope. Years faded away as she made the transit of the slope. Finally, she stood once more in the stand of trees on the lip of the precipice gazing out at the waterfalls in the distance. A rattling of stones signaled the presence of her partner. Lost in her memories, she turned expecting to see Ben Fraser. The smile on her face faded as she watched Casey unhook the final line and drop her pack beside Phil's. Turning quickly, Phil brought her racing heart under control and was able to smile convincingly at Casey when she joined her on the brink.

"Is this where it happened?" Phil nodded her head then sat down on the edge. Staring off into the distance at the waterfalls, Phil told the story of that fateful trip to Thunder Basin.

Casey listened intently to Phil's story. Although, many years had passed and Phil had, more than once, claimed to have no more feelings for the man, Casey could hear the hurt and longing in her voice. How could she possibly think that she no longer cared for Ben Fraser when every word from her mouth said otherwise? Thinking back to that summer, two years ago, when she'd rescued Ben and Ray Vecchio from the river, she wondered how he could have hurt Phil the way he did. The man she'd gotten to know did not match the man Phil talked of. What had happened?

Thinking of Ben Fraser brought to mind his friend, Ray Vecchio, and that was a thought that, with the passage of time, became more and more painful to her. When Phil finished her tale, Casey cleared her throat and told her of the incident that had separated her from Ray.

"And he blames himself for what happened?" Phil asked.

Casey bowed her head before answering. "He told Trevor that he'd failed me and every time he looked at me he was reminded of that failure. He felt that he couldn't face me and feel like a man. So...until he comes to peace with himself and forgives himself..." Her voice trailed off.

Phil gently took Casey's hand in hers. Casey glanced up at her when Phil asked, "We're a pair, aren't we?" Casey nodded her head in agreement. Phil cleared her throat then asked, "Do you still love him?"

Startled eyes flew up to regard Phil once more and shoulders sagged as Casey replied, "Yes. I know I should probably move on but I keep hoping that someday he'll come to his senses."

"Have you ever gone back to Chicago and faced him?"

Casey stiffened then violently shook her head. "I couldn't do that."

"Why not?"

"I can't go back to Chicago. Too many things happened there."

"That's true, Casey, but what would you do if Ray showed up on your doorstep and asked you to come back to Chicago? What would you do?"

"I don't know, Phil." Not one to let an opportunity pass, Casey asked, "What would you do?"

"Me?" Phil's demeanor reflected her puzzlement.

"What would you do if Ben Fraser turned up on your doorstep and wanted you to go away with him to Canada? What would you do?" Casey watched a full range of emotions cloud Phil's brown eyes before Phil turned her face away from her scrutiny.

What would she do? Phil didn't know the answer to that question but, since it wasn't likely to happen, she didn't have to worry about it. "It's not going to happen, Casey. Even if I wanted it to, which I don't, Ben's had ample time to contact me since he learned where I was but he hasn't.

So...I've put him behind me and I'm trying to get on with my life." Then why did she feel like she was lying through her teeth?

Casey shrugged her shoulders. Stubborn...just like the rest of the McKenzie clan. "So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to invite you to visit me sometime. We could casually drop by the police station and see your Ray."

"Phil! You're incorrigible!"

"Well, it's not right for both of us to continue like this. In fact, I think I ought to stop by there and give him a piece of my mind." 

"No, Phil, you will not do that."

"And why not?"

"Because I've asked you not to. And...if you decide to meddle in my love life I just might have to do the same with yours."

"But mine is fine, Casey. I think I've finally found the man that can replace Ben in my heart." She sighed, "Too bad he's a doctor."

"What's so bad about that?"

"Only a saint could stand to be married to a doctor and I don't think I qualify for sainthood."

"What about Beth?" Casey mentioned her sister who was conveniently married to Rob McKenzie, Phil's brother.

"Well, Beth is as close to a saint as I'll ever know, but..."

"But what?"

"She **is** married to one of the greatest men alive." Casey stared in open amazement at Phil then began to chuckle. Phil joined her and, amid the laughter, choked out, "Don't tell him that. His head is big enough as it is."

"True, true. So, are you and Martin serious?" Casey asked.

Phil thought over the whirlwind courtship of one Dr. Martin Stevenson. Yes, things were becoming serious with him. She pictured his handsome features and felt the familiar stirring of desire that flared within her. Maybe he was the one to finally blot Ben Fraser from her heart.

Smiling, she answered Casey's question, "Yes, Casey, things are definitely serious between Martin and me."

There was just one thing left that she needed to do. Standing, Phil glanced down at Casey. "There's something I need to do before we head back. I'll be just a moment."

Casey nodded.

Phil carefully picked her way along the edge of the cliff to a spot part way out below the boulder field. Even after all these years she knew this spot. This was where she'd risked her life to save a man she barely knew. Standing as close to the edge as she dared, she looked over the lip and recalled the face that had hung below her and whispered up to her _'Let me go, Phil'_. A fist of pain clutched her heart and she struggled to control the tears that threatened. Why was she still affected by Ben's memories? She was over him, wasn't she? Delving into her pocket, she drew forth the small photo of Ben. Some uncontrollable impulse brought the photo to her lips and she kissed the image of the man she had once loved. "Good-bye, Ben," Phil whispered then carefully tore the photo into tiny pieces and dropped them over the edge of the precipice. As the tiny bits of paper fluttered away a sense of finality settled into her heart. She pulled the chain from the front of her shirt and stroked the smooth coolness of the ring. She had a new love now, maybe it was time to remove the chain and the ring. Her hands stilled...no, not yet, but soon.

Casey watched Phil as she destroyed the photo of Ben. Now she stood, head bent, arms hugging herself, and rocking back and forth slightly. To Casey it looked very much like Phil was struggling to control some outburst of emotion. She had a good idea what that emotion was. Casey watched Phil pull something from around her neck and hold it in her fist. Smiling to herself, Casey recalled something Rob had told her, something about a ring on a chain around Phil's neck. Rob had told her the significance of the ring. If things were so serious with Dr. Stevenson, then why did she still wear Ben's ring? Why wasn't Martin invited to the family gathering? There were just too many questions Phil's incursion into the past had raised that had not been answered. Nodding her head sagely, Casey drew her own conclusions as to whether or not Phil was truly over Ben Fraser.

Drawing a deep, cleansing breath into her lungs, Phil placed the ring back within her shirt where it nestled between her breasts. She knew that all wounds eventually healed. Sometimes, though, when a wound was deep enough, it left a lingering ache that could last a lifetime--an ache that made it impossible to forget its cause. No wonder the specter of Ben Fraser continued to inhabit the periphery of her thoughts. _'It must be Thunder Basin,'_ Phil decided. It was only natural to be reminded of Ben here in the place they had shared together. That made more sense than brooding on what might have been. Satisfied with that explanation, she slowly made her way back to where Casey waited.

Casey felt the churning of her mind's creative juices. There was a story here in Phil's plight. Closing her eyes, she saw the story unfold before her. Her fingers itched for her notebook. Opening her eyes, she smiled then rose to her feet and met Phil at the packs. Consensus in their eyes, they gathered their packs and turned to face the scree slope. It was time to go.

* * *

The snow fell in large, fat, wet flakes. Ben lifted his face to the heavens letting the fat flakes fall onto his cheeks. He inhaled the crisp, cold air before glancing around. With a start he recognized where he was. The mountain slope before him called and he unconsciously moved forward. The slope steepened and he fell to his knees. Why must he climb this slope? Why must he struggle to reach Fortitude Pass? He knew the answer to that question--it was his duty. But...that had happened over twelve years ago. He had already climbed this narrow trail and rescued the woman. Why was he here once more?

Struggling to his feet, Ben stared at the storm closing in on the mountainside. Indecision rooted him to the spot. If he followed the trail to the pass he knew he would find Victoria huddled in the lee of that rock. He knew he would do everything in his power to save her life. He also knew he would destroy his hopes of happiness if he continued up that slope.

From behind him a melodious voice interrupted his thoughts. "Follow your heart, Benton." Turning quickly, Ben watched a figure approach him. An arm moved upward and a hand swept the hood back on the fur parka. Ben stared at the dark-headed woman who smiled at him. "Follow your heart, son."

"Mom?" he cried, but the woman was gone, hidden by a sudden curtain of wind-whipped snow. Who had he seen? Had he actually seen her? Was he hallucinating? He stared down the slope in the direction he had already traversed. The snow ceased to fall and the freshness of the breeze that now teased the bare slopes brought the promise of spring and life.

"Follow your heart, Ben." The soft injunction drifted to him. Climbing toward him was another woman. As she drew nearer Ben recognized his first love. The RCMP uniform accented her lithe movements.

"Cat?"

The figure blurred and the regulation blue uniform was now the khaki of Rocky Mountain Rescue. "Follow your heart, Ben," the husky voice called to him.

"Phil?"

Ben reached for Phil's outstretched hand and drew her to him. His arms encircled her narrow waist and he pressed her slender body to his hard frame. Closing his eyes, he buried his face in her brown hair and inhaled the scent of lavender. He sank to his knees pulling her with him.

"Follow your heart." Ben's eyes flew open as he felt the girlish form squirm in his arms. The child slipped out of his embrace and graced him with a crooked smile, a smile that shone in her glacier blue eyes. Her brown hair bounced around her shoulders and the red of her dress accented her budding beauty. She placed a tiny hand on Ben's chest over his heart and, in a solemn voice, repeated, "Follow your heart."

"Who...?" But the child was gone leaving him suddenly frightened. He rose from his knees and peered around at the mountainside, his heart pounding inside his chest, but the young girl was gone.

Ben muttered quietly in his sleep. Tossing the thin sheet from his body, he rolled onto his back throwing an arm over his head. He mumbled a few more words then quieted. Dief padded over to the bed and silently watched his packmate. When there were no more restless movements he, too, returned to sleep.

The dreamscape softened and Ben heard a light chuckle drift to him. He was drawn to the fireplace where he settled onto the floor and laughed as the kitten Cat had named Laura attacked the ball of yarn Cat rolled across the floor.

"She's growing into such a sassy little lady, Ben." Cat chuckled again as she crossed the floor and slid into Ben's arms. "Have I thanked you lately for giving her to me?"

"Not in the last hour or so," Ben gently chided.

Cat playfully punched his shoulder. Not to be outdone Ben wrestled her to the floor. Pinning her underneath his broad frame, he grinned wickedly down at her. "Do you think Laura would miss you if I was to suddenly carry you upstairs and ravish your lovely body?" 

Cat grinned up at the face only inches from hers. "I don't know." She hooked her hands behind his head, threading fingers into his hair. "Why don't we find out." She whispered before claiming his lips for a kiss.

"Now, wait a minute. Who's seducing who?"

"Well, Ben, you were being just a little bit slow."

"Slow? I'll show you slow." Ben rolled off Cat and climbed to his feet. "This is slow." He pulled her to her feet and crushed his body to hers. "And this is slow." He kissed her and slid his tongue into her welcoming mouth. "And this is slow," feathered against her throat as Ben's kisses caressed the pulse point and moved lower. "And this is even slower." Fingers fumbled with the buttons on her shirt then stilled.

Cat's eyes flew open to gaze into Ben's. Humor warred with desire in their depths. She closed her eyes as Ben's hands delved inside her shirt and stroked her fevered skin. "Ben..." she moaned as she molded her body to his. She felt the heat of his desire. "I love you, Ben."

"I love you, too, Cat." Ben grinned lecherously. "Race you to the bedroom." Cat laughed and launched herself at the stairs. Ben raced after her as the scenery shifted from a stairway to a mountain trail. He turned slowly scanning the leaf strewn forest floor about him. 'Ben' whispered to him on the gentle breeze that ruffled the leaves of the aspens about him. He worked his way through the trees and stood on the narrow rock outcrop that overlooked the valley below. At his feet a tiny lake glistened like a blue jewel on a bed of green velvet. He stared at the wind-ruffled surface of the lake and strained to hear that voice that called to him.

"Ben?"

His heart contracted as he heard the husky caress of her voice. "Phil?"

Arms snaked around his waist as a distinctly feminine form molded itself to his backside. The warmth of her breath on the back of his neck and the gentle kisses placed there send a wave of heat that curled in his loins.

"Phil?"

A glorious mass of unbound hair slid under his arm as the feminine form shifted around to stand before him wrapped in his arms. He raised a hand and swept the long strands of hair from the face smiling up at him. "Phil?"

The slender woman clasped his hand and drew him down to sit on a rock at the edge of the outcrop. "I love this place, T. I found it about three weeks ago--shortly after the seminar started. I'm so glad I was able to share it with you."

"I'm glad, too, Phil." He cradled her head against his chest and ran his fingers through her silken tresses. "I love you, Phil."

Phil's face came up and the love glowed in the depths of her eyes. "I love you, too, T. I've waited my whole life for you." She bowed her head, and plucked at the button on his shirt. "I'm scared, T."

"Of what, my love?"

"I'm afraid that something is going to happen and I'll lose you. I don't want to go home without you."

Ben cupped her chin and smiled down into the serious face turned to his. Kissing her eyelids, he said, "That's impossible, Phil. Nothing can ever come between us. I promise you, I'll send for you as soon as my position stabilizes. I can't live without you; you are my soul mate. I didn't understand what that meant for many years. But Cat said I would when I met finally met my soul mate."

"Cat sounds like a wonderful person. I hope I get to meet her someday."

"Don't worry, Phil, you will. I loved her so much but she said that someday I'd meet the right person and she'd give me everything I wanted. You know what?" He stroked her face.

"No, what?" The crooked smile blossomed on her face.

"She was right. And I love her so much for making me wait for you."

"She sounds like a wise woman."

"She is, Phil. She is." He stood and drew Phil to her feet. "Now come here and I'll show you something else she taught me."

"Remind me to thank her for teaching you so well," Phil teased as she followed Ben into the trees. Collapsing onto him when he pulled her down to share the leaf bed he had discovered, she whispered, "Make love to me, T. Make love to me now."

"Anything for you, Phil. Anything for you." Ben eagerly complied and as he reached his climax he again thanked Cat for making him wait. Phil was...was everything he wanted--everything Cat couldn't give him. And he loved her almost as much as he loved this slender woman in his arms.

The dreamscape shifted one last time. The roar of whitewater assaulted his ears. "Hang on, Ray. This is going to be rough."

"Don't scare him like that, Ben!"

Ben glanced around himself. Ray was sitting securely in the bow of a boat not sprawled on a log raft. Where was he? A quick look at the towering canyon walls told him only that he was not in the mountains of Montana.

"Honestly, Ben, I think you enjoy tormenting poor Ray," the husky voice continued. It wasn't until that voice shifted into a laugh that he dared glance at the person seated beside him.

"Phil?"

"Don't give me that poor-misunderstood-Mountie look, Ben. You know damn well what I mean."

"I...I...I..."

"Ben, follow your heart."

The boat was eerily empty but for the woman and him. He struggled with his thoughts unable to formulate the words he needed. "Phil, I...I...I don't know how. Phil, please help me. You're the only one who can help me...save me."

Phil shook her head. "No, Ben, only you can do that. But...I promise you, when you need me, I'll be here for you."

"Phil?" Ben called as he reached for the woman beside him.

Dief raised his head to regard the occupant of the bed. His packmate had called for the Lavender Woman. Would he toss and turn for the remainder of the night? Dief sat up and watched until Alpha Male quieted, rolled onto his side, and continued to sleep.

"Follow your heart, Ben. I'll be waiting for you at the end of your journey."

Ben smiled and whispered her name once more before loosing himself in the first deep restful sleep he'd experienced in weeks.

* * *

"You sure you won't stay a little bit longer?" Cat asked of Becka.

"I can't, Cat. For some reason, I feel like I need to get on to Chicago and Benny. I just wish I'd been able to warn him that I was coming early." 

Cat nodded her head. "I can't understand why we couldn't reach him at the consulate or why we couldn't reach Ray. They must be busy on some case."

"I'll just surprise Benny when I get there. Besides, Lloyd is coming tomorrow and you certainly don't need a third party around." Becka laughed out loud as Cat blushed. "I don't believe I've ever seen you blush, Cat."

"Lloyd is simply picking me up so we can go to his family gathering together."

"Yeah, sure. He's coming..." Becka paused as she mentally calculated the miles, "...several hundred miles out of his way just to pick you up. Why do I find that hard to believe?"

"Well, if you'd get your mind out of the gutter..."

"...where yours is..."

"Becka! It's a good thing we're here or I'd make you walk the rest of the way by yourself!" Becka just grinned and soon Cat was smiling as well.

Cat pulled the vehicle into a parking space. Grabbing her bag, Becka followed Cat into the terminal that served Moose Jaw. Digging in a pocket of her uniform, Cat extracted a folded piece of paper. Pressing it into Becka's hand, she said, "Here's some information I wanted you to have."

Dropping her bag, Becka unfolded the paper and stared at the names, addresses, and phone numbers written in Cat's untidy scrawl. "What's this for, Cat?"

"I didn't have any luck with Ben and Phil. Maybe they'll listen to you."

"Cat..."

"I know, Becka, but you were the one who brought up Ben's loneliness. This is the solution to all his problems. Maybe he'll listen to you. Maybe Phil will listen to you."

"I don't know about that. You know how stubborn Ben can be and I don't even know Phil."

"True. But...it can't hurt to try. And..." Cat tapped the paper. "...contact TJ. You'll find him to be a great help. He wants Phil to be as happy as you want Ben to be. He can help you." _'In more ways than one,'_ Cat mused.

"Cat? Are you up to something? Are you trying to play matchmaker?"

"Only for Ben and Phil." Cat crossed her fingers behind her back.

"Somehow I don't quite believe you, Cat; but, what the hell, TJ's one gorgeous man. It certainly couldn't hurt to get to know him."

"No it couldn't." Cat grinned at Becka and was rewarded when she grinned back. "It certainly couldn't."

The two women found a pair of chairs and waited for Becka's flight. An uncomfortable silence settled between them. There was unfinished business and neither knew how to broach that subject. Finally, Cat laid a hand on Becka's arm. "Let me know how things go, Becka."

"I'll do that, Cat."

"And when you want to talk about what you really came for, I'll be here."

"I know that, Cat." Becka stared at the concern in Cat's eyes. "Okay, Cat..." she sighed. "I don't know if I can satisfy your curiosity since I don't really know what the problem is. I just don't know where I'm going...where I'm supposed to be. My job..."

"Your job is falling apart around you, isn't it?"

Becka bowed her head then nodded as she struggled to express the concerns that had haunted her for the past six months. "I thought everything would be all right once I got back on the job. I thought I could vindicate myself by bringing down the Soldiers, but..."

"No one trusted you."

Becka cocked her head and wryly grinned at her friend. "Who's telling the story, you or me?"

Cat smiled back. "I guess everything you're saying has already occurred to me. I can't say I'm surprised. Look at what they did to Ben when he brought in your father's killer."

Becka stared across the terminal watching a young couple wend their way through the throng of people with a small child in tow. A sob caught in her throat. "I still can't believe Gerard had Dad killed." She swallowed and took a deep breath. "He was like an uncle to Ben and me. How could he do that?"

Cat shrugged her shoulders. "Who knows what money will make a person do?"

"I guess I should be thankful that I'm even being offered a posting somewhere here in Canada. I could end up stationed in Australia."

"I have a friend from Australia, Nick Benton. He says it's quite civilized."

"A friend? Don't you mean another lover?"

"My lovers **are** my friends, Becka. In a way, I'm going to miss all of that." 

Becka only grinned then patted Cat on the arm. "I'm sure Lloyd will make sure you don't regret your decision." Cat grinned and the heartfelt sigh that oozed from her brought a chuckle from Becka. The grin slowly faded from her face. "I envy you, Cat. I don't think I will ever be able to look at a man and not be afraid of what might happen if I lost control."

"Becka, you will never do anything to harm someone you love. You couldn't hurt Ben even when you didn't know who he was. If you meet the right man, your soul mate, don't be afraid of falling in love with him. Love heals a multitude of wounds and it can heal your wounded spirit--if you let it."

"I don't know, Cat..."

"I do."

Becka bowed her head and in a voice barely above a whisper, said, "I guess I'm just afraid..."

"Becka...there's a quote by Bertrand Russell that has always struck me as being particularly poignant. _'To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.'_ Don't ever let a chance for love pass you by or you'll find yourself living in a lonely hell like Ben."

"Cat, is Benny really that bad off?"

Cat sadly nodded her head. "What makes me so mad is that he could find the happiness he needs if he would only tell Phil he was sorry. Instead, he waits for her to contact him and...and... and I don't know what he wants from her. I could never get him to see that he has to make that first move. Becka, I'm afraid he never will and that knowledge is eating away at him."

"I'll see if I can talk some sense into him. Maybe he'll listen to me, especially after I tell him about his daughter."

"Becka, you can't tell him about Lindy." Cat's hand instinctively tightened on Becka's arm.

"Why not? I didn't make that promise." Becka gently pried Cat's fingers apart.

"I did...and I agree with Phil that she is the one who has to tell him about their daughter. She has promised me she will. I believe her. Please, Becka."

Becka stared at Cat; torn between the desire to tell Ben about his child and the desire to spare him the pain that knowledge would bring. Finally, she nodded her head in agreement. "I'll keep quiet, Cat. I'll let Phil tell Benny about their daughter."

"Thank you, Becka."

The two women hugged when the boarding call came for Becka's flight. "Now, remember, Bella said I could have one of her kittens."

"You can choose your kitten next time you're out here. Oh, by the way, Bella adores TJ."

"Cat! You're incorrigible!"

"Of course! I wouldn't be any other way. There's something else I want you to think about, Becka."

"What?"

"The RCMP isn't the only job out there. You do have a college degree."

"True, but I only studied archeology because it interested me and I could use the degree to get into the Academy."

"TJ's the Curator of Aboriginal Artifacts at the Field Museum in Chicago."

"Cat!"

Cat grinned and shrugged her shoulders. The women hugged again and said a final good-bye. Becka shouldered her pack and passed through the gate. She turned and waved once more at her friend, then walked down the corridor to the waiting plane. Cat had given her many things to think about. Maybe she should look on this situation as opportunity to explore her options rather than dread its eventual outcome. Truth be told, she no longer found satisfaction in her job. Maybe it was time to move on. Maybe she would find some answers in Chicago. She smiled in anticipation.

 

To be continued (?)

Copyright June 1998 by Cassandra Hope

Comments are welcome at 

durango@ionet.net

 

Nothing Lasts Forever

(Book 2 of the  
Ben and Phil Saga)

  1. Nothing Lasts Forever
  2. Of Second Chances by Carol Trendall
  3. Winter is Cold in America by Carol Trendall
  4. Lavender Memories
  5. Distractions by Carol Trendall
  6. No Aphrodisiac by Carol Trendall
  7. Life's Insanity by Carol Trendall
  8. Standing on the Edge by Carol Trendall
  9. Of Past Regrets and Future Fears by Carol Trendall
  10. A Summoning of Things Past
  11. Three Parts Dead
  12. A Job Well Done
  13. Touchstones of Character
  14. But For the Night
  15. Tangled Webs
  16. Suspicions
  17. Chasms of the Mind (with Carol Trendall)
  18. Outskirts by Carol Trendall




End file.
